Do You Know Your WHY?

There’s a common quote that says:

But is your WHY big enough? Do you even know what it is? How do you even find your WHY?

Let me share a little bit about my WHY before answering those questions.

If you have been around for a while, you know that I’ve been a life coach for a number of years. I love what I do but I spent a long time wondering if my WHY was big enough. I had one, it just didn’t make me cry or get all gooey inside like I thought it was supposed to. I don’t think you really need to have a WHY that does that to be successful. It’s OK if you don’t. Don’t let that stop you.

Unfortunately, I discovered my WHY the hard way. Seven months ago, on July 4th, my bonus* son died in a head on car crash. It is hard to be grateful for anything that comes out of death. However, I am hugely grateful that I spent time with him, I (along wtih his father and mother) did my best to raise him as best I knew how, I was there if and when he needed me.

It took me a while, but I began to realize that I was very fortunate that I had enough life balance to focus on what was important, WHEN it was important. Because of that, I had no regrets.

We only have one right now. What we choose to do with it is extremely important. What choices you make can have a huge impact on your life. Don’t regret them.

I realized I HAVE to help women make sure they are making the right choices with their time, that they are using it to get the most out of life and not just to escape chaos (although that’s a nice bonus).

My WHY came about the hard way. Hopefully yours doesn’t have to.

But HOW do you discover your WHY?

Rather than answer this question myself, I thought I would go to some really SMART life and business coaches who are entrepreneur women just like you and I ask them. Here’s what they had to say about it.

One of my favorite ways to dig into someone’s Why is to ‘back door’ it. Think about the one or two things that really annoy you, to your core? There’s likely a clue in that. – Lisa Rehurek

Your why finds you thru your most difficult and most joyous life experiences.
The dream you speak of only to yourself at first, that you’re afraid is too big, however keeps being shown to you in multiple experiences. It’s the light that flickers like a constant burn and drives your actions when you think you cannot move another step. – Angie Geren

When you get comfortable with feeling deeply, something extraordinary happens. – Laura Rubinstein, CHt

Your “Why” is what gives you butterflies, keeps you up at night, what you feel compelled to share & stand up for. To find it dig deep into your soul, what do you believe in whole heartedly & know to be true. – Dr Karen Jacobson, High Performance Coach

I believe you find your why by looking at what you want to do and seeing how it will affect you, those you are most intimate with and the world outside of you. Knowing what you will gain, how it will positively affect your family and what change it will create in the world will create a powerful inertia to pull you forward. – Erin Garcia

Who do you want to Be, what would you want to be Doing and what will you Have when you are there? Pair that with asking yourself, How do you want to FEEL, what would you be doing if you knew you could not fail and what will you gain from making this happen? These six answers will bring you to your WHY! – Kim Fuller

 

Most of all, don’t stress over it. If you let not having a WHY stop you from moving forward, you are using it as an excuse. Your why may change from one day to the next. That’s OK too. Just know what is important and focus on that when the going gets hard.

It’s hard to admit being grateful for anything after the death of a son (or any tragedy for that matter). I’m not grateful that he is gone. I am grateful that I can find some purpose from it that will help me get through when I miss him the most.

 

*Bonus son – For the last 10 years or so, I have called Brad my bonus son. When I married his father, I did not gain an object to be stepped on but rather a bonus to my relationship with my new husband. Therefore, I choose not to use the term step son, preferring bonus son instead.