One of the number one reasons that women of child rearing age become entrepreneurs is to be available as parents to their kids. If the choices are for parents to work outside of the home, stay home without working, or become entrepreneurs with flexible work schedules and time to be with family, then the later provides the greatest opportunities for children in these homes to learn and grow.
However, there are always things we have to be careful about saying to our kids. No matter which role we've taken on.
Here's a list of the Top 5 Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Kids. At least, not unless you want them to be highly successful, productive citizens as adults.
- "I made a mistake" - Admitting that we make mistakes to our children is an excellent way to teach them that mistakes are OK and a natural part of our growth process. If you never tell your children of your own mistakes, they will grow up to think you shouldn't admit your failures.
- "I need help" - We all need help at times. Sometimes we need just a little help, like cleaning up around the house; and sometimes we need a lot of help, like getting a bank loan. Sharing these times with your children will let them know that it is necessary and valuable to ask for help when they need it.
- "I'm sorry" - Sharing an apology with your child when you've made a mistake may just make you look weak and vulnerable. You may end up losing any respect your child had for you. Oh wait, it may also allow them to see how an apology works and allow them to gain respect for you because you are showing them respect. Trust comes when two people can be honest and with trust, comes the ability to listen and accept direction.
- "I've lost my job" - Never, NEVER, NEVER tell your child about your problems. After all, they are just kids. They can't take the stress! OK, I'm calling Bull Poopy on this one. Parents, your kids can take a lot more than you think they can. Besides, if you shield them from all of life's stress until the day they turn 18 and move out of the house, how do you expect them to actually LEARN to deal with that stress? Be age appropriate but be honest. Kids should know what's going on in your world so they can learn from those lessons right along with you.
- "Our bills are this much" - Kids should not be part of the household finances. It's none of their business. Yep, and how'd that work for you when your parents kept you out of the world of money? Let's be real. Our schools just aren't teaching our kids about money so that means we have to. And if we don't know enough about money to teach it to our kids, then we better figure out how to learn. Ignorance is no excuse and will only end up continuing the horrible cycle of financial instability.
Yes, this is a bit of an off-based way to get you to understand that it's OK to be honest with your kids. Not only is it OK, but it's crucial to opening up that line of communication that will help them grow and learn as well as be willing to come to you when they need valuable advice (like when it would be OK to have sex). The more you talk to your kids about what's going on in your world (being age appropriate), the more they will be comfortable sharing what's going on in theirs. And the more they will be prepared for the real world when it comes screaming at them full force.
Did your parents openly share some of these things with you when you were a child?
How has it affected you today?
Nicole Bandes
Having successfully helped hundreds of business leaders stop feeling overwhelmed and out of control so that they have time to achieve that "one more thing" that will make all the difference, Nicole's clients often tell her that she has the magical ability to create time where it didn't exist before.
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I agree with most of what you say. Two things I would be really careful about (speaking from experience). First is the “I’ve lost my job” conversation. I did lose my job when my son was 8 years old. No, we did not hide it from him. My husband and I thought about what we would tell him very carefully, and we kept him in daycare for two weeks during this process so his immediate routine would not be disrupted. The key, I think, is to have the child realize that the entire family is “in it together” and will get through it. (we did). The other is sharing information about bills. I was very sensitive to money matters because my parents fought about money, when they thought I was sleeping, and I can tell you I didn’t sleep through the yelling and it had a bad effect on how I treated money in my life. If money is short though, I agree this must be shared – but again, in a very supportive way.
Love this. Will have to share with my son and his young family. Sometimes in an effort to shield our children we actually shield them from life and challenges and the great joy life has to offer.
Your experiences show that you handled this the way I would suggest. There are effective ways to handle these situations. The fact that your parents hid (or attempted to) shows that being open about it might be a better alternative. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
This is a great post. I think kids should be able to experience situations and understand circumstances that happen in life to be ready for them when they are older.
Unfortunately, my parents never said those five things to me. Interestingly, they were amazed when they noticed that in my early 20s, I seemed to think that many of the little stressors in life were enormous. I even recall my father saying “what did we do to make you think that life was just supposed to be fun”.